Bring on the Socialism!

After watching the second of three US presidential debates last night, it's clear that both candidates intend to move the country towards complete socialism.

In anticipation of the proliferation of socialism throughout the country, and using the logic laid out by politicians during this election season, I've listed three services that the new socialist government should provide.

New Socialist Government Service #1: Maintenance and Up-Keep of Homes
If I or my neighbor does not keep his/her house in good condition, neighborhood property values can be hurt. Through this most recent $700 billion bailout discussion we've already seen how the decline in housing values can lead to a financial-credit crisis. The government needs to take all steps necessary to bolster home values and avoid a financial crisis in the future. Therefore, the government needs to take over the maintenance of homes. This would include lawn care, painting, and general maintenance like leaky gutters, broken windows, etc. In a country with as much money as we have, our stability should not be held hostage by the laziness of a few. Also, imagine all the jobs that would be created with this new service. I'm already looking forward to the extra free time on my weekends and evenings!

New Socialist Government Service #2: Repairs to Motor Vehicles
The biggest complaint by educators and local governments regarding the "No-Child-Left-Behind Act" is that it's an unfunded mandate. No more unfunded mandates, such as the government burdening individuals with ensuring cars meet emissions and fuel economy standards! Global warming is such an immediate threat that it is too important to trust individuals with the up-keep of greenhouse gas-producing vehicles. Besides, I'm not a car expert. The government needs to take over car maintenance to make sure cars are running at peak efficiency (to limit our dependence on foreign oil), and as clean as possible. Plus, people are already burdened with such high gas prices that it would not be compassionate to expect them to shoulder the costs of repairs. Therefore, the government should take over auto repair to prevent the collapse of the economy, and the destruction of the earth.

New Socialist Government Service #3: Babysitting of Children
We all know that there is nothing more important than our children. They are our future, and there is no amount of spending that is enough for our precious children. We need to give them the best of everything. The government already controls education, and has their hands in regular daycare. However, how can we in good conscience trust our children to local teen aged girls to watch our children when we go out for dinner and a movie?! These local babysitters are largely untrained in early childhood development, and emergency medical response. This is unacceptable. Think of what damage could be done to our children's self esteem if they are continually subjected to such untrained personnel. Therefore, for the future of our country, the government should provide babysitters. The government should initiate a training program to qualify all sitters. Any parent that leaves their kids with a non-government certified supervisor should expect a visit from the local department of children and families. The stakes are just too high! Just think of the risks we are taking entrusting our children to people with no government oversight!
Come to think of it, there is no governmental oversight or training for parents either...

These are just 3 of many new services the government could, and should, offer in the near future.

My friends, we need to embrace this socialist movement. We are on the cusp of a Utopian society where we "average citizens" no longer have to worry about anything because the government will take care of it for us. The future looks bright.